Episode 257 – Discover Your Purpose and Live Out Your Legacy with Joe Lander

Episode Transcription

This is the Ultimate Advisor Podcast, the podcast for financial advisors who want to create a thriving, successful and scalable practice. Each week we’ll uncover the ways that you can improve your referrals your team, your marketing, and your business operations, helping you to level up your advising practice, bring in more assets and create the advising practice that you’ve dreamed of. You’ll be joined by our hosts Bryan Sweet, who is moving fast towards a billion dollars in assets under management, Brittany Anderson, the driving force for advisors looking to improve their operations and company culture, and Draye Redfern who can help you systematize and automate your practices marketing to effortlessly attract new clients. So what do you say? Let’s jump into another amazing episode of The Ultimate Advisor Podcast.

Brittany Anderson 1:07

Hello, and welcome back Brittany Anderson right here with you with a special guest that I am chomping at the bit to introduce so we’re gonna get right to it. Today I have with me Joe Lander. Joe is a former practicing attorney and law firm partner, also a former HR manager who led three major divisions in a Global Fortune 500 company, and was a Certified Financial Planner and financial coach with over eight teen years experience in the financial services industry, during which he helped business owners professionals and executives manage over 50 million in assets while planning for their future. Joe is now the owner and CEO of the life you live coaching, which empowers successful heart centered business leaders who crave more than professional and financial achievements to create a unique personal legacy that makes a meaningful difference in the world now and for generations to come. Joe, welcome to the show.

Joe Lander 2:09

Thank you, Brittany, it’s really great to be here with you.

BA 2:12

Well, we heard high level from your bio, kind of a taste of where you’ve been. I want to cut to the chase and then back into what makes Joe Joe. So the reason that I wanted to bring you on you and I have been in conversations about how synergistic our messages are. And you have created a an entire platform that really helps people to live out their legacy in an interesting and unique way. So Joe, can you share maybe a little bit about your program, and why people should be tuning in right now.

JL 2:48

Absolutely be happy to really. So you know, it coincidentally, I actually came across I was I was doing some morning reading, you know, after morning meditation doing doing the morning routine thing. And I came across this quote and I was like, Whoa, you mean, I’m not the only one who thinks like this. And the quote was from this book called an interrupted life, and what the author’s what she says, and this is someone who lived actually, during World War Two, obviously some pretty crazy times. What she said was this, I don’t want to be anything special. I only want to try to be true to that in me, which seeks to fulfill its promise. And I read that and I’m like, Well, that’s it. That’s how I’ve that’s what’s gone on my entire life, no matter what role and as you pointed out in my introduction, I’ve obviously been through a number of different career changes and different roles. And always the question is, is this fulfilling on, as she put it, my promise, my purpose, my Y is there’s a lot of different language for this. But it’s really about for those who feel like maybe they’re meant for more, and ask themselves, am I doing all I’m here to do? And I always asked that question while I was sitting there in the law firm, or in the fight or in my financial planning office or in the corporate. I was always Can I see this being the rest of my life? And even if I could, if I say well, wouldn’t be so bad being a lawyer the rest of my life or hey, I really liked the lifestyle and and what I do as a financial advisor, is this really it? Or am I meant for more? So I developed ultimately, this whole approach towards helping people really figure out what’s the legacy, but not a legacy as in a bequest of something that’s left with after they leave with something that they can live into now a living legacy that brings fulfillment and joy and meaning to their lives now, what that is so true to who they really are, and does end up making such a difference that it lives on, it becomes like timeless. So this has always been a theme in my life, and has rocked me to the point where now I’m actually living that legacy of helping others create and live their unique, personal, impactful legacy that will turn them on and have them choose stuff to do not only what they may be doing professionally, but realizing they’re doing so much more.

BA 5:44

You know, I love the idea of living your legacy now. And, you know, this is something that we’ve talked about, you know, amongst our clients, amongst our different communities, you know, in entrepreneurial groups like this is a conversation that’s happening more and more. And I think the fact that you’ve actually built a full framework around this is what makes it so magical. It’s not just an idea anymore. It’s an actual process that people can go through. And I want to highlight this, Joe, because I think we can almost back into a few different segments here about some of our clients that might be tuning in, or, you know, even just general population that’s thinking about, Wow, this whole notion of being called to more, you know, maybe they’ve just come off of a really long career, a successful busy, bustling career, or they just sold their business. And they’re kind of looking forward going, Wow, I’m really excited about not having to go to what I used to go to every day. What’s next? So when you think about your framework, in particular, how would it apply to to those people? And then I’m going to back into part two of this question. So let’s go with the person who’s just retired the person who’s just come off of their business, and what your process looks like for them.

JL 7:03

Yes, yeah. The folks who I call our transition transitioning or have transitioned into the next act, what I have found is that so often, they’re so used to being identified that it’s weird to even think of like, Okay, what’s next, I have found personally to be ineffective, it doesn’t end up making the long term difference of really like the epiphany and an aha, that that has someone say, Okay, I’m ready for the next to really live into this, what I’ve what I’ve identified, so what I did was, I created a way for me to be there on the journey with that former business owner or executive, and to really pull it out of them and make sure they’re fully equipped with not only the insight and the epiphanies, but the tools both internally as well as the resources to tap into, around them, to actually fulfill on it. So it’s not just a feel good conversation, and, and a pipe dream and some sort of a wish list, and I call the framework resolve. First of all, it is an acronym for each of the steps that I take folks through, I love that it’s about resolve, like your resolve to actually live into what you’ve sensed this is what’s next and what’s more beyond just, you know, the initial time of we just want to do nothing, hang out on the beach, or play golf, or do you think, you know, I get all that but like, Alright, what’s next, and resolve to make that happen?

BA 8:46

You know, Joe, you said something interesting, a moment ago, and you were talking about how, you know, if people are, you know, working out in a journal or kind of trying to go about it on their own, that the success rate is not super high, when they look at creating this next level fulfillment, how important it is to have, you know, I think about somebody like taking another person by the hand and saying, Come with me, like, I know that way, I can show you the way and and I can help you actually get to where you want to go, how powerful that is. So I would be curious, in your experience, where have you seen people really get stuck, maybe kind of get in their own way? And how do you help them to, you know, overcome those barriers with those challenges?

JL 9:34

I love that you picked up on that, in fact, what you were pointing to in terms of being there with them on this journey and equipping them I actually have to credit one of my clients, you know, kind of interviewed him like, what is it about our relationship that you value? And what he pointed out was and this is a former director, high level executive, he said you know, there are different mentors or coaches that you may come across on your journey. And it’s like, the difference is the it could be a transaction, you know, there’s a certain thing that happens, you have a certain engagement. And that’s it. And they’ve given you their stuff. And now you’re left with it and do your thing. He says, and that’s a transaction. And that’s okay. He said, But what I like about what we have is that you’re on the journey with me, you stayed with me, and you’ve given me tools to help me self manage, so that I can be successful on this journey. ongoingly not something where it was just a one and done type of a thing. So that’s really important, an important element of it, the third segment of the overarching themes of the resolve framework, and it’s what I call the importance of anchoring the ILS, what are the ILS? Well, ils stands for in evitable imagined limitations, they come crawling out of the woodwork typically, right? When you have that great vision of what you want to do next, and then the Ill come cry out. But wait a second, maybe it might not work out. And I’m so used to being so successful in what I do that even the thought of not nailing this and really having it be as successful as, as my heart is fluttering as I’m thinking about the possibility of it. But if it doesn’t work, I don’t know that I could live with that that reptilian brain that wanted to keep us safe. From the saber toothed tigers, we always talk about doing the same thing in modern day, it’s coming up as fear. So it’s how do you overcome those imagined limitations, some often others refer to them as those limiting beliefs that naturally tend up because they’re there to try to keep us safe when in reality, and more often than not keeping us stagnant.

BA 12:11

You know, I think there’s, there’s so much power to what you just talked about there. And, you know, I said, going into this that I had kind of a two part question right there. And my next was going to be, you know, a little bit more geared towards the business owner, the one who’s still very active in the business. And you kind of indirectly answered it already. So I want to I want to push on kind of another element here. You know, I think about the the business owner or even the entrepreneurial journey, and how we often cannot help but find new shiny objects, things that catch her attention, things that we get excited about. And then you kind of get to this point where you’re kind of dipping your toe in the water, and maybe a new venture or new business or new collaboration, new relationship, whatever that looks like. And Brian and I have talked a lot on our dream, our architects life podcast here, about how you know, you can be so excited about something and all it takes is a couple of naysayers to completely throw you off track. So this really applies to anybody that’s listening, whether you are actively running a business, whether you are new retiree, whether you are you know, working consistently still, you know, it really doesn’t matter what stage of life you’re in, you brought up something I wasn’t planning on it going this direction, but I’m glad it did. You brought up the naysayers, and how it can really stifle your growth or your ambition towards something that you feel called to do towards that maybe next level growth. So can you talk a little bit more about that Joe, and maybe how that might be remedied in your, in your experience, or from your experience, because that can be a really tough topic.

JL 13:54

I think a lot of that has to do with you know, anyone could go to say a workshop, you know, one of the Guru’s out there that runs this really amazing type of a weekend getaway retreat and jumping around and you get all fired up about things, bring that inspiration and have that continue on out into your life and into the world. Aside from what we talked about is about having strategies to overcome your those limitations before you can get to the part where you’re even overcoming the stuff that starts inevitably coming up for us. We’re human after all, is what’s the base? Is it really something that just hit you in a momentary inspiration? Or is it something that is really based on what your life has prepared you for whether you’re realizing that in this moment, they’re not. So what you’re pointing to Bernie is actually getting back to a Um, the first two of the simple steps of the resolve framework is, how do you sit down first and really get what I call your legacy vision. It’s a guided kind of a visioning exercise with which I equate to two things. You’ve got to be an anthropologist, and you’ve got to be an Imagineer. You know, like the Disney Imagineers. What do I mean by that in this context is you’re going to look back in your life and look for those key points and those key aspects. And you start being able to connect dots and see certain patterns that are actually informing what is the practical like vision that you have of how you want to be living life at this at this new stage, then you’ve got to also bring in the imagination just like an imagineer who uses imagination in a very particular way. And that’s the start. And that’s, that’s an important part of the process. That’s not just like a okay in a moment of inspiration. But really having that prompted and brought out of you, that then leads you to the secret weapon.

BA 16:13

I think it’s so interesting, Joe, and I kept thinking, as you’re talking there about how the word imagination and being intentional. And, you know, I think about you know, intentionality is really important to me, personally. And I think about so many instances in my life, where I have this vision, and it’s interesting, I was just in a conversation with a friend of mine the other day talking about this, how I’ve literally been able to envision something in the future that I really want in my life, be it you know, my family, be it our home, and how it is today, you know, whatever it is, I’m able to have this vision, the journey to get there may be an absolute mess compared to what I thought it was going to be. But envision has held true. And so I often wonder job, people that struggle with that imagination, because not everybody are inherently born with that. I know that I have great, dear friends that are like, I just can’t do the imagination thing. I can’t do this whole visioning thing. It’s like not even how my brain is wired. So for somebody that maybe struggles with the imagination component, with the visioning component, what are some practical or tactical tools that they could use to help maybe open that gate a little bit to help them lean into the future for those that are not wired so much, maybe like me, where I’m constantly in the future, or my husband’s like pulling me back saying, come back for a minute, we got to be here. So for those that maybe struggle a little bit with that futuristic vision,
I we’re kindred spirits in that regard. I’m not surprised at all, Brittany. I have a spouse who has to reel me in as well, if

JL 17:46

I we’re kindred spirits in that regard. I’m not surprised at all, Brittany. I have a spouse who has to reel me in as well, if

BA 17:59

we need it, otherwise, we’re living on planet who knows?

JL 18:03

Absolutely, um, you know, it’s interesting, because as you as you were posing that question, like, is it like, you know, dream board or visit, you know, visioning tools. And while while I certainly believe in incorporating tools that make it come more alive, I think that too often, that could just be an empty exercise, because the first part was not done properly. And what’s the first part being that anthropologist first, you know, and the analogy I use is based on like this quick little story, or like learning kind of a fable of how these two fish are swimming upstream, and all of a sudden, this other fish is comes downstream, and is passing them and says, the water is beautiful today, isn’t it and keep swimming on. And then one of the fish, parents the other after they been swimming for a bit and said, What’s water, like fish are so used to being in that environment, they don’t even have a concept of it’s just become such a natural part of their reality. They don’t even have the distinction of water. And I think what happens is, is for for us as human beings, we get so entrenched in our everyday life, that we don’t even take the time to actually notice, wait a second, what is my reality? And then looking at what actually got me to this point? What are some of the, you know, key moments, you know, milestones and parts of my history? That’s the first step towards starting to point to wait a second. Yeah, I actually remember I always thought about that, or there was this element and it’s those types of a has coming from the anthropological excavation, if you will, that starts to form and inform. Now the vision of Yeah, I that’s actually what I’ve always had in me, or that, that idea excites me. And now I can run with imagining that more really fleshing that out. Rather than starting with this blank canvas and being told, okay, go imagine this amazing life, you know, really tough to do.

BA 20:36

Yeah, it can be. And I think, even honestly, speaking, you know, I make the joke that, you know, I’m constantly in the future, I really, that is how I live. And I have to be intentional about being present, this is a real thing. But I also think that your whole thought process there, that whole methodology of, you know, really reflecting back and, you know, kind of looking at the different stages of life and where you’ve come from, and how you’ve gotten to the next level, you know, that that have it all. And it can be hard or difficult. Once you feel like you’ve gotten to this point in your life that you kind of always imagined indirectly, or always aim for, or have big goals for however your brain is wired, whatever words resonate most with you, you’ve gotten to that point. And it can be hard or difficult to really think about that next level of growth, because oftentimes, it’s in my opinion, it’s not necessarily the struggle of the vision, it’s who you have to become to get there that I think can scare people off from really pursuing what’s possible for their future. So Joe, do you have any just comments on that, in general,

JL 21:49

it really is about what you’re pointing to brilliantly, Brittany is the idea of before you can have and even before you can do, it’s what it’s who who will you be? At and the being part, for some a candy scare, and I used to have this little quote, yeah, I still do have it, it was actually from a fortune by Fortune Cookie, rather, that says, personal growth lies within the unknown. Courage permits you to explore this space. So you’re really getting to that of saying, are you willing to first take a moment? And figure out what it is that you actually who are you? What is it that you really believe, because ultimately, it ultimately, it’s your beliefs, and that that will determine and you and I are very familiar with, with distinctions around these drivers of human behavior and of achieving the results we want in our life coming from where people think it’s always about the action, let me figure out the strategy to get there. And what you’re pointing to his nose, let’s stop, let’s determine really what you really believe. Because that will result in you thinking in a new way. And then having all sorts of feelings associated with that new way of believing and of seeing yourself and who you’re being that then actually drives the kinds of actions that lead to the results you’re really looking for. So excellent point in terms of stuff that it there is some inner work, there is some, I don’t want to call it inner work, there is taking that time to first really observe, do some excavating of your own core beliefs. And really that is what I call the secret weapon, what I call the legacy or purpose activator. And by the way, that harks back to what you were saying before, what do you do about the naysayers? Well, I there any naysayer, being able to pull you off your path when you’ve done that inner work, and you’ve realized what it is that you really believe, and what you’re committed to, that to somehow deter you or push you off, off the track, you have a level of clarity and confidence that is just it’s inspiring to you and to those around you.

BA 24:42

Those are such beautiful, brilliant points. And, you know, I think about the term core belief. And you know, for those of you listening in, if you struggle with you know, we’d like to call it the woowoo the warm fuzzy but you know, the thought of legacy in that way, the thought of purpose led Living in that way intentional living in that way, if you struggle with that, if you really just boil it down to this notion of what you just said, Jove, of the core belief, you know, when I think for example, with my own legacy, if I am modeling and showing my kids and future grandkids and family and friends, that, you know, fear should never stop you, that you can become the next level of yourself that you’re never done rolling. The one of the phrases I cannot stand more than anything else is you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, it’s like, well, you can if the dog is willing. So you know, I think about that, and I’m never going to be that old dog who’s unwilling I might be that point, but I’m always gonna be willing, I’m gonna give her the old college try. So for me, that’s really a core foundational belief is that we are always capable of even more, and of bringing a better version of ourselves, or even better version of ourselves to the table all the time. So I’m so glad that you pushed on that kind of core belief notion, because I think that gets skipped over. And I think it’s so often the foundation of any growth of any truly impactful decision that we make in life. So I’m really glad that you pulled that out there, Joe, that was really good.

JL 26:20

And it actually harks back to when I was when I was in my last several years as a financial advisor. And at that point, really use the title of financial coach. Well, the way we define that was that a financial coach starts with the question, what is your true purpose for money, that which is more important than money itself? And we would take people, and I used to love it. And I did workshops, around taking people through that question, what is how do you determine what’s what’s really your true purpose, not only for your money, then I started realizing it could be the true purpose for your life. And I hit a point where I realized, you know, what, I don’t want to then shift the conversation over to the academics of investing and how not to you know, get, you know, side swiped, by maybe well meaning but misinformed guidance, you know, in your financial life, like, I didn’t want to spend the time anymore reviewing portfolios as to whether they, whether they should be mirroring the s&p 500 or not, I, I realized, all I want to talk to people about is what is the true purpose for their money in their life. And that’s what put me on the journey, several years back of becoming what I now call myself as a legacy coach. I believe that living a life you love in which you are fulfilled by a purpose, that makes a meaningful difference in the lives of others now, and for generations to come, is accessible to us all.

BA 28:09

I think that is absolutely amazing. And I’m so glad that you shared that story, Joe, it’s so incredibly impactful. Now, I’m guessing that there may be a few listeners here, they’re like, I gotta check out this guy a little bit further. So Joe, if somebody wants to get a hold of you, or wants to learn more about how you serve, or what you do, how do they go about doing that?

JL 28:33

Best way, the place that has the most resources, and most information and even an opportunity to connect is simply go to my website, which is the life you love coaching.com.
And we will make sure that that is in the show notes here. So, Joe, when we get close to wrapping up episode, and you have already so graciously and candidly share some of your own journey. But I would be curious to know, when was the time that you faced true real fear? And you overcame it and didn’t let it stop you from going after what you wanted most of the time?

BA 28:45

And we will make sure that that is in the show notes here. So, Joe, when we get close to wrapping up episode, and you have already so graciously and candidly share some of your own journey. But I would be curious to know, when was the time that you faced true real fear? And you overcame it and didn’t let it stop you from going after what you wanted most of the time?

JL 29:11

Well, mainly two things come to mind. One is actually a physical experience. And it was about I was rock climbing. And I had never done anything like that before. And I was with a group of other men and we were challenging ourselves, you know, come on, we can do this. And I remember when it was my turn, and I started climbing up okay, so far, so good. And then I hit this point where I’m like holding on to this crevice in the Rock, and I’m realizing as I’m looking for another foothold or handle, there ain’t nothing nearby. So I’m holding on now, like watching to this surface of this side of this mountain. And I finally notice They’re just beyond my reach is something that I could grab on to. And what I realized was, it meant that I had to, for a moment, let go of where I was at. And that scared the, you know what out of me, especially out of fear of heights, and I realized I can’t just stay here, I can’t go back down, I really have no choice, I’ve got to make the leap. And I just boom, went for it grabbed on, hold on, and then was able to make the rest of the climb. That experience has stayed with me ever since that was like, I don’t know, close to 20 years ago, when I think about just staying where I’m at. And then the whole idea of what you brought up earlier in our conversation, of being scared to move to something new or different. And that’s where I was at, actually, when I realized in a previous position in financial services, I found myself that all I was doing was chasing money. It felt like in order to to live the lifestyle and create the financial security for my family, it was taking activity that started feeling as though I was really chasing the dollar. And I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that I didn’t like who I was becoming I didn’t like, who I was what I was obsessing over. And I reached a point where I said, You know what, I spoke to someone, I started getting into mindfulness meditation. And I started thinking, You know what, maybe that’s what I got to do is bring this idea of being more conscious and mindful of your life, to corporate America, and to professional service firms. And I’ll be like that really cool dude, who gets to lead these mindfulness meditations and exercises, it didn’t feel like it would sustain me in the long run, or it would for a while. But then what what happens if this didn’t work, and I was I was petrified I had two children that I was, you know, having to put through college and mortgage, you know, all the stuff that we sometimes call those golden handcuffs, I stayed focused on that I knew I had to live a life that was more than I couldn’t settle for just making money, I had to feel like it mattered. And I was fortunate enough to then find the that next and last portion of my financial service career, where I was able to latch on to a new approach that had to do more about educating people and taking them through exercise on discovering their true purpose, or money in their life. And that allowed me to continue on and earn what I needed to and save what I needed to. So that when I was really ready to then take that old to a whole new level of a coaching career, I was ready to, and able to, but that was those were some scary months, when I realized I couldn’t stay where I was just like I was on that rock face. I couldn’t stay where I was. But it felt like such a leap to get to where I want to. And I just was so stubborn. So convinced that it was at least possible that I stayed with it, and ultimately was able to make that work. And I’m so grateful for that time of my life now.

BA 33:24

Well, I am grateful for that time in your life as well, because it got us to this conversation. And you can tell you’re truly doing your heart centered work. And that’s part of the reason why we wanted you on the show in the first place. Joe is just because you truly do lead with that, that genuine sincerity and you want to help people. And I think that’s why we’re so aligned. Because I know I can speak for Brian, even though he’s not in this conversation right now. He’s also a heart centered individual. And that’s why we create what we create, and why we do what we do. The money kind of come secondary and the support and the guidance that we’re able to provide is really what comes first, so I can so appreciate that, Joe. So my last question to round us out here is I can’t help a point out if anybody’s tuning in on video. You have this plaque behind you this says dream which is so stinking aligned with who we are with how we serve and the message that we put out into the world. So I would like to know what dreaming big means to you

JL 34:27

my dream. It really is to live a life. And I start with I go back to a cornerstone book for me by this former hospice nurse brawny where I have no doubt that you’ve come across her book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. You would think those would all be on the list and in one shape or form they are but I couldn’t believe what number one was. And the number one is I wish I had lived a life too. would have myself instead of the one that others expected of me. So that drives me to a dream of living a life to do with whatever it is within me to fulfill on that promise that I mentioned in the first quote, I shared with you all, and to really impact other’s lives to live their legacy. And through that, my dream is that since I can’t do all the amazing things that Brittany and Brian and your clients, all kids, like, that musters up that fires them up, if I in any way, shape, or form, contribute towards them, moving forward with it, and being successful in their legacy vision, then in essence, my legacy becomes part of these multiple legacies of making the world just just an incredible place filled with so much beauty and love.

BA 36:02

Joe, you packed it with so much value and grace and for that I am so grateful. Thank you, Joe, for coming on the show today. We really appreciate it.

JL 36:10

It’s been a pleasure and I respect everything that you and Brian are up to and I know that your clients are in great hands and I look forward to continuing our journey together.

BA 36:21

Awesome. That wraps up today’s episode. We’ll catch you right back here next time.